They're real hard to see But everyone's got 'em It's the thin skin Between your funbox and bottom Oprah Winfrey's got one And I've got one too From the bums on my doorstep To the bums in Peru From the indigent Irish To the richest of Swedes Regardless of status They have the same needs So he's an ode to the chode For without it we'd be lost We'd just have a gaping hole In the bottom of our crotch Even when you're at a restaurant Eating pie a la mode Don't take it for granted Remember your chode Chode chode chode Remember your chode Have you named yours yet? Lord knows I've been tryin' I'll call mine Andrew Then I'll call mine Ryan Use soap and water To keep your chose clean Why should I bother It'll never be seen You might pose for a gay porn magazine Good point So he's an ode to the chode For without it we'd be lost We'd just have a gaping hole In the bottom of our crotch Even when you're driving by Construction workers on the road Don't take it for granted Remember your chode Chode chode chode Bert is a chode Chode chode chode Chode chode chode Chode

I bought a ticket Hopped on a plane The engine started And I flew down to Mexico And when I got there I met a girl And she was pretty So I had sex with her Her skin was soft She called me Jose And when we finished We decided to make pillow talk She spoke in Spanish But I speak English It was apparent That we needed a translator And so we found one His name was Jose He spoke in Spanish He also spoke English and French We started talkin' She called me Jose again I felt like hot shit 'Till I found out how old she was Fourteen year old secret Can't tell my mom Fourteen year old secret Can't take her to prom Fourteen year old secret Now that I've nailed My fourteen year old secret I'll go to jail And I don't wanna go to jail And I was scared (Can't go to jail) I was frightened (Bad things happen in jail) So I called my sister's husband 'Cause he's a lawyer A real good lawer (He'll get me out of jail) He said you can have sex with anybody you want to in Mexico as long as she's older than twelve and not a boy Was she a boy No she wasn't a boy She wasn't a boy I bought a ticket Hopped on a plane The engine started And I flew down to Mexico And when I got there I met a girl And she was pretty So I had sex with her Her skin was soft She called me Jose And when we finished I decided that I'd write a song Fourteen year old secret Can't tell my mom Fourteen year old secret Can't take her to prom Fourteen year old secret Now that I've nailed My fourteen year old secret in Mexico I won't go to jail I won't go to jail I won't go to jail I won't go to jail But I'll go to Hell

I want to have sex with your girlfriend I want to make love to her tonight Feel her sexy thighs wrapped around mine in a missionary position As I take her, and shake her, and make her feel all right I want to have sex with your girlfriend Lick in and out of her and tell her it seems That she has never had my special kind of hairy apeman lovin' before But then she'll interrupt me with her passionate screams 'Cause I'm the man of her dreams And you're not What happened to free love anyway Why can't polyandry be okay 'Cause I got one life left to live And a lot of love to give And before I die, I wanna see if I can't get laid I want to have sex with your girlfriend 'Cause there's no pride in my soul, no chivalry in my heart I know that we've been friends a long time But I'll bet she's getting sick of your undoubtedly inadequate part You can't make love to her like I can And when I get down I'm like a deer in the rut I'm gonna trick her with some scented candles and lotion And then I'm gonna put it in and out of her butt And in and out of her butt, and in and out of her What happened to free love anyway Why can't polyandry be okay 'Cause I got one life left to live And a lot of love to give And before I die, I wanna see if I can't get laid Some people think my fingers are just for strummin' Some people think my fingers are for pickin' guitar But I can use my right hand to check her plumbing And I can use my left to unfasten you girlfriend's bra And put my face in-between them boobies And go Pppbubbpuubpbbbppb What happened to free love anyway Why can't polyandry be okay 'Cause I got one life left to live And a lot of love to give And before I die, I wanna see if I can't get laid Before I die I wanna see if I can't get laid The adult fruit fly only lives for one day But he still gets laid Before I die I wanna see how much dick she can take

It's not that I don't find your theories on quantum gravity fascinating Particularly I find your thoughts on super symmetry gravitating And your inflationary universe theories have helped make you a millionaire But if you're so awesome tell me why the hell are you wheeling your ass around in a chair You might be pretty smart Stephen Hawking You might be pretty smart Stephen Hawking You might be pretty smart But I can walk I can walk I like your no boundary condition, what an explanation of the universe Perpetually oscillating time and space, centrifugally immersed You've explained time versus universal expansion like a crafty fox But riddle me this genius, if you're so clever why do you have to speak through a goddamn box You might be pretty smart Stephen Hawking You might be pretty smart Stephen Hawking You might be pretty smart But I can talk I can talk I can talk And we can rock You might be pretty smart Stephen Hawking You might be pretty smart Stephen Hawking You might be pretty smart But you're handicapped

One time we were all shopping at Walmart We'd been shopping all the live long day Then a hungry homeless man approached us for some change So we asked him to kindly go away And we said We're gonna go eat tacos And that guy doesn't have a home We're gonna go eat tacos And that guy doesn't have a home One day I'll grow up and have a child And I'll go see my Little Leaguer play And afterwards we'll all go out for tacos And if we see a homeless guy we'll say We're gonna go eat tacos And that guy doesn't have a home We're gonna go eat tacos And that guy doesn't have a home So if you see a homeless guy at Walmart Don't smile at him, don't give him your change Homeless people are not homeless by shear coincidence They touch themselves at night and worship Satan We're gonna go eat tacos And that guy doesn't have a home We're gonna go eat tacos And that guy doesn't have a home